Weiner? Come On People

I turned on my television set the other day and all I could see all day long was a crotch shot of some mayor from New York state all over every channel. Apparently, this numbskull was trying to send some legislation to the news and accidentally sent a picture of a man's crotch instaed igniting a storm of controversy the likes of which we haven't seen since since FDR or perhaps before. How can anybody be so dumb? It reminds me of that time, Tim that I sent you that roll of film that I thought was full of pictures of Oklahoma bird life but was actually from Dondra's and I's honeymoon in El Paso. You still haven't mailed that back by the way and we're pushing a decade.

As we all know polititians are no strangers to the occasional sex scandal but what makes this case different is that this Weiner character claimed that he didn't send the picture to the news and then said that he did then said that he didn't know if he sent the pictures. Are we supposed to belive this? Maybe the more important question is is do we really want people with such horrible memories governing our people, for the people by the people? I think Weiner should do some memory exercises every day for a month and then the reporters should come back and asks him if he knows if he sent the pictures then. If he still can't remember, impeach him. Get him out!

Also troubling was that a blue bird website was somehow involved and if you couldn't already tell I have the highest respect for birds. They are beasts that are able to fly and they deserve our respect. Nay, COMMAND our respect. The Wright brothers knew this. And you can damn well bet that they never took pictures of there crotches. Except maybe as a gag. I guess what I'm getting at is that we are a society of people that love the strange and bazaar and spectacle of everyday politics and that when you combine photos of crotches, bluebirds, televisions, and Mayors you are bound to drum up some viewership. Call me old fashioned though but I'd much rather see coverage of more meaningful things on the news such as the latest wicker trends than all this saucy trash I can't escape now. If you've never seen a wickerworksman in action you really haven't live.

Karna - The Genesis

This is the staet of a new series. This will not be easy, and in fact will end me up in a rage. Why am I doing this, you may ask, well its cause I got to. Almost no one knows about this:

She met a karate instructor on a Sunday, moved out of our house by Wednesday, they stayed together at a bed & breakfast Friday and Saturday. On the precedeing Thursday said, "geez, he must be some great lay," but neither of them responded to it. I helped carry her things to the truck on Wednesday and I regret helping. When they returned from their getaway on Monday, I was waiting at his apartment to ambush them. They must of anticipated this because the police were there waiting for me. I psoted bond on Tuesday and wrote down a phrase I cannot forget: "KARNA IS NOT TO BE UNDERSTIMATE". I went away on business that Wednesday and had a great time and closed a HUGE merger I'd been workin on for several years and made more money than you can dream of. Still, something in my heart feld wrong.

Karna posted a letter to me and it was waiting at my house when I returned Friday. I waited until Tuesday to open it and tried to read it twice before burning it on that very Wednesday. I phoned her on Thursday and asked for another copy, but she said it didn't exist and that she and Kevin had already began brewing their own beer in the new apartment. This was the greatest affront to me because of my barley malts. She said, oh I gotta go, Kevin's taking me out for a steak dinner. The paramedics woke me hours later.

Social Media and the Modern Life

Look, I'm no spring chicken. I don't even like chicken. But these days the internet is chock-full of social media which raises many interesting questions. Like, what is social media? Or is it are? What are social media doesn't sound right because there's no s at the end of media. And this just makes my point for me: if we don't even know how to use it in a sentence, shoudl we really be talking about social media? The answer, unfortunately, is yes. Take this blog for instance. Thousands and probably millions of people see this sight every day and do I know who these people are? I do not. I would like to meet them but who has time to meet so many people? I have trouble enough talking to my customers. 

Lucky for us though Mark Zuckerburg recently invented a website that solves this problem. Facebooks are channels of the internet designed to make meeting and introducing strangers as easy as one two three. Creating a facebook is relatively easy if you know what the hell your doing on a computer like me, but some people have trouble grasping it's use and functions. Don't beat yourself up though because I was once an idiot too (no wood sculpture jokes Tim). The great thing about Facebooks is that you can literally type in a random name and thousands of entries will pop up. Want to become friends with somebody named "Alger Carpaccio"? Just type it in and take your pick. I'm friends with all sorts of people who live all over the county, state, region and world. Although, I think a lot of Facebooks break down a lot because a lot of folks don't respond to my queries and I occasaionly get "warning" messages from Mark Zuckerburg telling me to quit being "offensive." 

At this rate, where will it all end though? How many friends should one man have? Is 10 to many? 20? What about 50? If anybody had 50 friends there head would probably explode from trying to remember everyone's names and addresses and occupations and such. And good luck getting a table for 50 at Applebee's next Friday! Also, who the hell bests against me now?   

A Quick Mae Culpa

On behalf of Tim and myself I wood like to apologize to our faithful readers. The past six months have been trying times for me and I have let my commitment to Fencing Brains, namely Tim's, laspe. The long and short of it is that I wrongfully thought that I was at a point in my life in which I thought it would be a good time for me to leave the wicker business and try my hand wood sculpturing. It was a disaster. Nobody tells you when you get into wood sculpturing that chainsaws are deadly instruments that must be respected as much as any local bloodthirsty maniac. Also their are permits involved. But I'm happy to report that after a brief stint in the hospital and another in county jail Wickery-Dickory Dock will be reopening in a few short weeks down at pier 29. We will aslo be selling handmade windsocks now. $49.95+tax.

OK, let the fencing of brains resume! ON GOURD!