Now, I'll be the first to admit that I don't own any apple products. I've had the same cell phone since 2001, the year of 9/11, and I don't see myself buying a new one anytime in the near future because if a product works there is no reason not to use it and I rarely miss any phone calls, so what's the point. However, my cousin Dennis, he's 9 years my junior and a tech whiz, has an iPhone and I got to play around with it last Thanksgiving for about three hours. Let me say this; I was completely under whelmed. Is it a phone or is it a coffee table coaster with a bunch of touch buttons? I honestly don't know. I couldn't even figure out how to hold it up to my face. So every time you get a phone call you have to spend about a minute trying to put this thing up to your head and usually by that time the phone isn't ringing any more and you've probably just missed an emergency phone call about your son's dentist appointment-which is exactly what happened to Dennis when I was playing with his phone.
So how does Apple improve this device you say? Do they redesign it so it actually looks like a phone that you can actually use and not look like a fooL? No. They make it bigger. That's right. You know how cell phones seemed to be getting smaller and smaller so that some times you reach into your pocket and think your thumbing a loose button that fell off your shirt or something and then you realize, "Oh, that's my phone"? Well, Apple decided to go ahead and reverse that trend. It's kind of like how one day they tell you that your shirt is cool and then the next day they tell you it sucks so that you have to keep buying shirts all the time. Which is why I don't buy new clothes but every ten years or so. But back to the iPad. Look at this thing:
I don't know who this poor guy is holding that iPad there but it looks like he's about to fall right through the floor like Wile E. Coyote when he realizes he's holding an ACME anvil or something. I mean, can you believe the size of that thing? It's HUGE!! Look at the jeans he's wearing (where's his belt, by the way?) There is NO way that phone is going to fit in those jeans. I wear blue jeans too, on the weekends, that look pretty much just like those, but what am I supposed to do, get custom pockets made for my jeans so I can fit my iPad in them? I don't like the sound of that. I would look ridiculous with big puffy pockets sticking out of my pants and this big old tablet slapping against my legs. Would that even fit in a briefcase? I doubt it. And if I had trouble holding the iPhone up to my ear how am I supposed to put this "iPad" up to my face. If you're going to make it that big, why don't you at least put some cushioning on there so I can put my head down on it like a pillow and talk on the phone. That way, if I forget to take a pillow with me somewhere, I can just say "that's Okay" and pull my iPad out of my huge pockets and put it down on the bed and get some rest. UNLESS IT RINGS!
You see my point here? This is getting out of hand. Literally! And what happens when some compettor makes their own iPad and to sell more phones then Apple makes there's even bigger? Where does it end? Does it get to the point where it's like "what's that noise?" "Oh, that's my cell phone ringing. It's so big that I have to keep it in the garage. I'll be right back." No thanks, Apple. I'll keep my Sanyo phone, please. But if you want to make a phone for me, just keep it simple. Just find an old phone from some office in the 80s, cut off the cord, and give me that at a size that will fit in my non custom made pockets of my jeans. Thank.
Okay, slow down Burt. Your off to the races with your technology skepticism again! Trust me, I believe this gizmo is a good thing. First, I've been looking into this iPad for some time now. Several of my colleagues in the tech world have been aware of this new gadget and I even got to take a look at it several weeks ago, as they obtained one of the devices from a contact at Apple.
ReplyDeleteThis is easily the best phone I have ever used before. Some of what you were complaining about is vald, I think because it is such a large phone, but the primary purpose of the phone is to make sure that people stop missing phone calls. You touched on this in your comments, but most consumers today are missing calls at an alarming rate and this is a direct correlashan to the smallness of current phones. Believe me when I tell you that no one will miss a call on the new and improved iPad. This thing lights up like an atomic bomb when a call comes in and you can choose from dozens of ringtones. And although there are problems with placing the phoen against your face, as you touched on, they are easily solved by having a friend call you on it a few times and practice putting it onto your face with these calls. You will definitely need to speak up though, as the prototype voice module on the device I used looked faulty. I was literally screaming at the top of my lungs into the device while friends laughed on the other end, just saying over and over that they couldn't hear me.
I initially agreed with your point about designing custom pockets for pants to allow storage of the ipas phone, however after my researching further with some of my contacts in the tech world, I disagree. Get this: the ipad was designed to be a device that stays in the user's hands at ALL times. In other words, you don't set it down, you don't lay it down, and you carry it with you to the store, in your bathroom, as you walk into your bed every night. The genius of Apple is that they are now marketing a device that will be indispensable to there customers. No one will ever set it down on anything, and no one will need to put it in a pants pocket. This is another factor in eliminating the missed call epidemic. I am also told that Apple will be releasing a series of harnesses and straps with which you can drape or buckle the phone across your body.
In closing Burt, the picture you have in your post is of Stevie Jobs, the Chairman of Apple. I am not crazy about getting slapped with a lawsuit because your publishing unlicesed photos on our website. Also, tell Dondra I got the cookies! Thanks!
So you're telling me that it doesn't bother you that you have to "practice" putting this phone on your face? What if I said "Hey Tim, I've got this great new flying car. Just one thing: You're going to have to practice driving it for a while first," you'd be Okay with that? Not me. Oh, by the way, the flying car is going to make you look like an idiot. I'm sorry, that's just not my cup of tea.
ReplyDeleteAnd now your telling me that Stevie Jobs wants me to harness this thing to my chest? Yeah, sure. I'll just go ahead and strap my wallet to my head while I'm at it and walk down the street looking like some sort of cyborg or something. I guess I forgot that robots are going to take over the world anyway like in Terminator, so if you can't beat 'em you might as well join 'em. Thanks Stevie Jobs. I'll take my shoulder mounted laser rifle while I'm at it.
Forget it, man. You can keep your iSongs too.
Dondra never got your check in the mail for the cookies, Tim. Please make payment.
(While were on the subject though my credit card # for the deer jerky is 4267 8935 5430 1297 exp. 10/11 It was a little dry this year.)
-Burt
Big surprise, you're being mellodramatic. I will not revisit the flying car and if you're not cool with harnessing the ipad, then that is you're loss man. This is how I would sum up your commenttary on the iPad: "I think it's so great, but I just can't handle using it because Im afraid of change and the abilitys of new technology". I will try to forget the idiot remarck.
ReplyDeleteListen, I already paid Dondra before I moved for those cookies. I gave her a ten dollar bill when we were at Mendy Turblinger's house for my going away party. It took her TWO MONTHS to mail them to me and they are ROCK HARD. I wasn't going to say anything, but ask your wife next time you want to accuse me of not paying.
Also, jerky is suppose to be DRY. Why do I always end up explaining this to you? You are sucking the moisture out of the meat to make that perfect dry texture for tasting. And the funny thing is that I DON'T WANT YOUR MONEY FOR IT. It's a GIFT from one friend to another. Your like the IRS trying to collect my salary for a two month old box of STALE cookies that I am seriously considering thrwoing into the garbage.
At this point, the only think I'll be using an IPad for is as a tenderizer for that inedible jerky cluttering up my garage. As for the cookies, if you want a glob of raw cookie dough go buy some chewy Chips Ahoy next time. I'm sorry your pallet's not mature enough to handle a crisp cookie, but that's your problem.
ReplyDeletePlease delete my credit card number from your records. I'll be tracking it's use to make sure you don't use it to buy gas again.
Hey, also, are you going to that chili cookoff on Saturday?
Not surprising that it's so hard since you've put it in your garage in the dead of an Oklahoma winter. And did you recently buy the worlds smallest garage? It sure sounds like it because I don't see how the container I sent could be big enough to clutter your garage. Have you ever heard of a PANRTY? Try keeping it at room temperature next time, genius. Oh, but there won't be a next time unless you want to pay me an arm and a le
ReplyDeleteHey, tell DONDRA thanks, but no thanks on the cookies next year. I'd like for all my teeth to remain intact and inside of my mouth for the rest of my life. Your lucky my molars stayed in when I ate that one (and only) cookie, because I'd have a good mind to slap my dentist with a malpractice suit.
Yeah, sure I'll be at the chili cookoff this weekend. I'll just spend $400 boarding Genius, probably $1000 on a plane ticket and rental car and I'll meet up with you, Dondra, Mendy, Genbert and Maisy at the fairgrounds. Are you being serious or just trying to rub it in???
I meant the one in Ames, Tim. Or didn't you get this issue of Chili Cookoff Quarterly? And as much as I'd like to think of Oklahoma as the chili capital of the free world, other places DO have chili. (Ever heard of Chili's restaurant? (The boneless teriyaki wings are heavenly.)
ReplyDeleteAnd forgive me for extending the peace branch and trying to find some common ground in this God forsaken iPad debate. But I think we do a disservice to our public when we make this less about our brains fencing and more about our long history of personal problems. So let's try to stay focused from now on, OK?
(Remember how you got last place in the '97 cookoff? Cumin powder? Really, Tim? LOL!) I think I won "most expressive chili" that year.
No, I'm not going to the dumb cookoff. The last thing I will say on this is that if. These comments are your peace branch, I'd hate to see your war branch.
ReplyDelete