In case you've been in a coma for the last month, the New Orleans Saints will play the Indianapolis Colts for the Super Bowl this Sunday night. Everywhere I turn, some NFL "prognosticater" is telling me who will win this game and why. I read today that a simulator built by John Madden, the hall of fame coach, guaranteed a four point victory for the New Orleans Saints. There was also a virtual reality image created by the simulation that showed the saints coach hoisting the Super Bowl trophy! Am I watching Back to the Future, where Marty goes back in time and bets on all of the games because he knew each score? Oh brother, as I shook my head.
On TV, one expert said the Colts needed to run the ball more to win. Another said the Saints should! A third said they were both rong and that passing to the receivers was the key. The argument mediator broke in and said that they all forgot about turnovers. I don't know how it ended because I turned
Then I listened to two idiots on the radio debate wheter or not Kim Kardashian would distract the Saints running back. Ummmm, okay. I forgot that the Colts recently signed Kim Kardshian to play run defense. Give me a break, guys. I guess we will make up any excuse these days to talk about a beautiful, talented woman.
Just this morning I saw a story on the internet discussing the commercials that will be shown during the game. The commercials!! I had to laugh because I always turn my TV off during commercials and then back on again right as the program returns. This obviously saves energy, but I do it to avoid being brainwashed by the American consumer.
Let me let you in on a little secret. This is the greatest game in all of sports. There will be so many factors at play when the game is kicked off that predicting a winner today is like my wife Karna and me reuniting--- NOT GOING HAPPEN. She has a live-in boyfriend and they run some sort of martial arts academy, which is ridiculousu because she has always hated martial arts. This guy she is dating looks like your run of the mill piece of garbage. He recently tried to threaten me over the phone and made a reference to his black belt, so I told him we're not having this conversation and to put Karna back on the damn phone. We'll see if he says it to my face.
Wow, Tim, sometimes its like your fingers are attached to my brain when your typing because I couldn't have said that any better than you just did. (And by that I mean that its like we think alike, not that there is some weird monster walking around that's just my brain with your fingers sticking out of it crawling around on the floor. Just to clarify. Didn't want people to get the wrong idea.) Every year it cracks me up these people actually try to analize the players on each team, figure out each team's strategy, and then say "Team X is definitely going to beat Team A." Really? Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot everybody is a psychic and has these powers. Can I get next weeks winning lotto numbers? LOL!
ReplyDeleteIt really is like saying "In the third quarter there's going to be a holding penalty." Okay, now what? How does that change my life? NONE. And sense when do the fans influence the game? Even if Kim Kardashian were to get on the field, she would probably not be allowed to play. I think there have been lawsuits about that sort of thing.
But what really bothers me is that some people still think the Saints have a shot at this thing. The Colts aare a well oiled football machine. The kind of machine that produces toughdowns (not manufactured goods). They have dominated all the way up and down the NFL. The Saints? Don't get me wrong they're a good team and Drew Brees is having a great year, but they aren't even in the same class as the Colts. Now, I'll admit that I'm a little biased on this because my hairdresser Graduated from Ball State Comsotology school, but that doesn't change the fact that it's going to be Colts all the way. No doubt in my mind. It will still be a game worth watching though and I hear that GoDaddy.com is advertising aging this year, so: 39-25 Colts.
(Karna always struck me as the type to pick the lowest hanging fruit, Tim, so I wouldn't worry too much about this joker she's living with.)
Oops! I meant "touchdowns!" LOL!
ReplyDeleteThe Colts??? Listen, the Colts better watch out for their own asses this week. It's gonna be a bumpy ride. Don't get me wrong, there good, but the Saints are a thinking man's team. Their head coach has years of experience, while the Colts coach is in his first year. All of the Saints players have dreamed of this moment for years. You couldn't be more off base Burt, and its obvious to everyone.
ReplyDeleteJust once, I'd love to see ESPN or one of the others bring an intellectual on the show to break down the game. Talk about the mental aspects of the game, how you have to outsmart your opponent and think one step ahead of him. "Will they pass it on this down, or is this a trick play? Who will the pass be to or will it be a run? Can I make the interception? Who does the other coach trust to kick the field goal? At what point do I send in the back ups? Who determines what's fair? At the end of the game, the coach should be thinking, Where in the hell is the Gatorade cooler?"
THESE are the questions that I want answered, but the meat-heads they have on the shows are either too stupid or too afraid to ask them. Do you understand that you make me sound like low hanging fruit with your latest comment on Karna? Do you remember who chose who in that relationship? Just so you know, I'm just glad to have my freedom now and not be tied down to one women, anyway. Someone should tell these "analists" that there's something more important than meathead strength that decides these games: It's called intangibles.
Exactly, Tim. Far too much emphasis is placed on tanglibles. Sports, like many things in my life, are about the abstract. Think about Jackson Pollock for a second. You think he had any clue what he was doing? Let me answer that question for you: NOPE. He just threw some paint around and then, Whoops. "Hey, come check out my masterpiece I just painted in my living room." The same goes for sports championship finale games. Once you get out on the court, field or ring, all bets are off when the ball, puck, or fist gets thrown in the air.
ReplyDeleteLet me let you in on a little secret, Tim, advertising dollars control nearly everything we see on TV. Even sports. Ever notice how everything has a corporate sponsor these days? Its always the Panda Express fly ball tally or the Chevrolet missed free throw attempt stat. Which is why I'm pretty sure the Colts will walk away with Vince Lombardi on their shoulders tomorrow. As far as I, noone on their team has a single corporate dollar in their hand. It's all about the love of games. You think Babe Ruth got paid to hit homers all day? Think again. Why do you think he got involved in the candy bar industry? Supplement that income. Colts, Tim.
Tim, I think you know me well enough to know that I was in NO way implying that you are a low hanging fruit. If any fruit, you are like a coconut at the top of a towering palm tree. But when you choose to be a coconut as you did you risk the long terrible fall to the ground. Sure you have an exoshell you protect you, but your innards are bruised and soft and a king crab may come up and try to drink your coconut milk as you lie lifeless in the sand. Karna knows that. Karate is an ancient art form.
Good points, all of them. Your on your game today, but the Saints will win you idiot. Jackson Pollack is one of the biggest frauds in American history. I hear from fellow collectors all the time about his genius (often when I'm out walking Genius...LOL) but his work is so blaze to me. You want me to pay Eight Hundred Thousand Dollars for a painting of Cambells Soup Cans stacked all on top of each other? Are you kidding me right now? Oh, maybe I'll pay two million for this red and green drawing of Marilyn Monroes fat face. Lets revisit art another time.
ReplyDeleteYour coconut analagy is beautiful and appropriate, but your still a little bit naive when it comes to life after divorce for the American man. Yes, my innards MAY have been bruised a bit after what happened, but hitting the sand lessened the impact of the fall. And the sand was friends like you. And Dondra. And Genius. You held me up when there was no one else and you held my hair back when I could not stop vomiting. Your like a brother to me man and I'm glad that the sand was there for me and not the jagged earth's crust that would destroy a coconut on impact when falling from 35 feet. And if this guy Karna is dating is the King Crab in your analagy, then I can't wait to get a look at his face when he tries to get a sip of my cream, if you catch my drift.
First off: I dare you to say the Saints will win one more time. I saw some footage of Peyton Manning literally bombing passes down the field at a practice this week. Just throwing balls as hard as he could way over the receivers heads 60 and 70 yards. The Saints are in T-R-O-U-B-LE.
ReplyDeleteTim, we've been threw a lot together. Young adulthood, adulthood, adultery, financial meltdowns, divorce, boats capsizing, a bout of dysentery (as you mentioned). I wouldn't trade it for the world. If there's anything I can ever do to lessen the impact of your coconut fall from that palm tree you were hanging from, just let me know. If I need to add more grains of sand, I will do it. If I must become finer or grainier, I will do it. If I must covert myself to mud or some other softer material, I will try to do that but I can't make any guarantees. You are my Tim, friend.
When I talk to Karna on the phone tomorrow, I'll tell her that her that you intend to cream her crab. She won't be happy. (Does Genious still have crabs, by the way?)
Burt, I have called you numerous times today. What do you mean you are talking to Karna on the phone today. Call me back RIGHT NOW before you call anybody.
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