Preamble:
We, Tim and Burt, in Order to form a more perfect Brain Fencing match, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide enlightenment for the common idiot, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Official Brain Fencing Rules and Regulations Bill of Rights.
Bill of Items:
1. No cursing. Cursing only demostrates a limited vocabulary and could incur fines from the FCC.
2. No name calling. Sticks and stones break my bones and words are hurtful.
3. No shouting. BOLDING AND CAPITALIZING OF WORDS SHOULD BE KEPT TO AN ABSOLUTE MINIMUM!!
4. Personal issues should not be discussed unless they pertain to the topic at hand, which they almost always do.
5. If one of us has an ex-wife, the other person cannot call her whenever he wants, but only to discuss business ventures, personal things, and common subjects, such as the whether. Ex-wives are strictly off limits, both professionally and privately. Karna is not to be discussed in any comments going forward. Burt is never to mention her or talk to her on the phone again unless Dondra is on the line. (Except under special circumstances, such as when Karna calls Burt or on holidays on his birthday every year). Also, Dondra can call Karna for Burt whenever. Tim may call Dondra. Wives, former and current, are off limits to both brain fencers. (Text messages are tolerable, if not encouraged.) Trinkets can be exchanged by snail mail. Tim doesn't want Dondra to text him. Dondra is not a brick wall. Fillibusters and trinkets are disallowed. If Tim wants to have a key party at his house, he can, but Burt, his best friend, is not allowed to attend. If Burt wants to give Karna a wicker footstool out of the kindness of his heart he should be allowed to do so. Both Karna and Dondra deserve all the respect an ex-wife and wife deserve.
*Ratified 2/12/10
Burt Dangley:
Tim Sardepartment:
*Ratified 2/12/10
Burt Dangley:
Tim Sardepartment:
6. Brain Fencing matches should be focused and well thought out. Whenever possible, read the other persons argument, discuss it with yourself in private, and then invalidate it point by point.
7. Outside parties are only welcome with consent of both Burt and Tim. The internet is not like TV where just everybody can have thier say.
8. Jokes are appropriate only when funny.
9. The winner of each match is decided by he who wins the argument. Thus, if you win the argument but feel the other person actually had better points, you can award him the winner.
Signed,
ReplyDeleteBurt Dangley
I agree with all of these except that #5 should read "Ex-wives are strictly off limits, both professionally and privately". I will not ratify any bill that says otherwise. I also kind of feel like you are trying to dominate Brian Fencing with this bill, almost as a dictator would.
ReplyDeleteTim, your name is in the preamble. Perhaps you missed that. Would Saddam Hussein put Tim in a preamble?
ReplyDeleteFurthermore, I will amend item #5 to your liking in the name of Knowledge and Rhetoric. I hope that you will ratify so that our brians can fence on.
Yeah, that looks real good to me now. Real good. Its perfect. Let's just make sure that Karna is not discussed in any of our comments going forward okay? You are never to mention her or talk to her on the phone again unless Dondra is on the line. Add that to the bill please.
ReplyDeleteSure, Tim.
ReplyDeleteAdded.
ReplyDeleteThanks.
ReplyDeleteWait, why do you keep adding these non sequiters? I never agreed to you talking on holidays. Remove that.
ReplyDeleteOkay.
ReplyDeleteGood, now weare getting somewhere. Back to the fencing!!!
ReplyDeleteLook, just go back to what I suggested initially and put that you are never to speak to Karna.
ReplyDeleteAnd...done.
ReplyDeleteI still just see the 5th right with all of the words with lines drawn through them. Did you save it?
ReplyDeleteOh, I saved it all right. You probably just need to restart your computer a few times real quick.
ReplyDeleteI already restarted before. Check it again. I have a dinner engagement that I am speaking at and I want this resolved.
ReplyDeleteAre you speaking at the Blartners tonight? You should tell your Pol Pot joke to break the ice.
ReplyDeleteCheck again now.
It's at Blartners. I've got to get going.
ReplyDeleteThis looks exactly the same. Can I edit this?
I wouldn't try to edit this. You could damage your computer.
ReplyDeleteLet me try this one more time.
OK. Now?
ReplyDeleteYou are adding things to the bottom, don't think I am not noticing. I have no interest in calling Dondra.
ReplyDeleteDelete it all or I swear to God I'll rip the power cord out of my computer. I HAVE GOT TO GET GOING TO BLARTNERS.
Now, Okay?
ReplyDeleteOk, that is good. That's perfect now, but you probably should just delete it all.
ReplyDeleteI am leaving now and will check this again when I get back. Dont change anything else and I agree to ratify it.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you can delete stuff on these. I'll try but no promises.
ReplyDeletethis is the dumbest thing I have ever seen. why don't you guys get a life if you don't already?
ReplyDeleteBurt, it's pretty easy to delete stuff on here I think, and dutchmo, if you think its dumb then you don't have to read it or comment on it. You just bring yourself down like that. It's actually a pretty good debate if you read most of them except for some mispelled words sometimes.
ReplyDeleteIf you've got add to this debate, by all means join in. If your just interested in making jealous remarcks, open your eyes. This blog is here to enlighten you. If your ok with staying in the dark, that's you're problem but good luck to you anyway. Ignorence is bliss.
ReplyDeleteAnd can we get the grammer police outta here? I do this in my spare time and don't
Burt, I am wondering if we should just start over on the Bill. This just seems too complicated to me right now and I am afraid of you trying to fillibuster something into the bill under my nose. For instance, what will stop you from removing the lines through the words at a later date? This is the kind of dictator stuff that I was talkng about earlier and I just am worried sick about it frankly. I just am beginning to feel that I can't take much more of this physically and that my body and internal organs are starting to finally shut down.
ReplyDeleteHey I was trying to defend you guys but if you want to bring it then "feel free". And, it's "grammar", gneius. But Tim, I agree that posters like dutchmo should stick to the issues here. Haven't heard from him lately, guess he's got nothing helpful to add?
ReplyDelete*genius lol!
ReplyDeleteBurt is your phone out of service? I need you to return my voicemails. I keep imagining paramedics surrounding me with wires and devices trying desperately to regurgitate me as I lay on the floor next to my computer.
ReplyDeleteIt's payday because I have a job, so I can't be on here 24 hours a day. If you're so concerned about grammar, Anonymous, maybe you should learn some yourself. I thought this was going to be a blog with some good intellectual debate, but I guess I was wrong. If you don't have the guts to log-in with your name, you shouldn't be allowed to post, IMO. Got to get back to work now, unlike you.
ReplyDeleteTim, I turn my phone off on Fridays until 7 to avoid overages. You know that.
ReplyDeleteI think we need to keep a record of our changes to the Bill, as did John Hancock, so that we don't make the same mistakes over and over and over again. (I made a small addendum.)
I'm glas to see that we have some fans contributing here. Please though, lets keep it civil.
Agreed on the Hancock point. I want this blog to emulate the Continental Congress as much as possible. Cross out your last addition though. I thought we had agreed on 5 already.
ReplyDeleteYeah, but Karna texted me last night all blubbery and had to blow off some steam. No good?
ReplyDeleteI can have Dondra text you to even things out.
No that is no good, it is horrible. I find it hard to believe she is contacting you given all the bad things she would say about you when we shared a bed. If she hadn't taken a lover, she still be saying them to me.
ReplyDeleteWhy would I want dondra to text me? She is the least interesting person on the planet to me. No offense man, but that would be like a brick wall texting me. There's got to be some give and take here. This is a negotiation.
Good luck finding a brick wall to text you. Innanimate objects can't use phones. LOL!
ReplyDeleteYour really being a blowhard on this issue, Tim, but I really want to work with you on this so we can get back to fencing eachother's brains.
Please approve my edits.
You idiot!!!! You keep tring to fillibuster this stuff past me it's not gonna work!!
ReplyDeleteThere will be no trinkets. I'm starting to get the idea that you wish Karna had taken you as the lover. Keep dreamin man, your not half the man he is.
To imply that there is any other woman for me but Dondra is a blasphemy. You're lucky she doesn't know how to use an internet connection, because if she saw this she would flip her lid. I May not know karate, but I can and will fence his and your brains to the ground.
ReplyDeleteI'm not trying to fillibuster anything in. I'm just trying to make sure you don't yell at me for breaking one of your "rules" that I didn't know existed like when I showed up at your house that one time when you were having that key party and said I had to leave because I wasn't invited.
Please advise.
Burt can talk about blapshemy all he wants, but it's pretty clear he's trying to move in our your ex, man. And what's a "key party, anyway? Yeah, right.
ReplyDeleteAlright, now I'm serious. I want all that crossed out apart from the sentence about Dondra being a brick wall. That's not exactly what I meant, but man she is really dence if she's never been on the Internet. Good grief that's gotta be tough to live with.
ReplyDeleteNow, the party was for Hendersons employees only and don't get off acting like you didn't know that. You embarased the hell out of me when you showed up. Mendy
Mendy what? I had to sleep in the yard.
ReplyDeleteGlad to see you two still at this stuff in the afternoon. Listen, I'm trying to be civil, so no offense, but this is kind of ridiculous. This is the first blog it took me to, and what am I supposed to think. Burt, I know you're probably giving your friend a hard time about Karna, but it doesn't come of that way. You should just get rid of the crossed-out stuff. It's not funny anymore. But I'm on your side--Sooners should stick together!
ReplyDeleteMendy told me privately that she thought you ruined the evening and that she and Damion split up because of it. She said she didn't know how she would pay off the morgage without his income and she blames all this on you. I wasn't planning
ReplyDeleteThanks for the kind words, DutchMo. Remember Barry Switzer?
ReplyDeleteTim, Mendy and Damion broke up because she was too busy getting it on with Dickey Dijon in the shed at the key party. Just because I saw it from the lawn while I was half asleep doesn't mean it was my fault.
Can we get final approval on Item #5 so we can move on to some brain fencing?
Yes I approve and ratify the bill as it is and as long as you quit making dam changes to it.
ReplyDeleteI do remember Barry Switzer. What about him? I'm more of a Bob Stoops Man myself.
ReplyDeleteI have a Sooner football blog that you should check out. I'm not an athletic director or anything, but I love talking OU football with other fans. It's at dutchmo.blogspot.com
The wishbone offense.
ReplyDeleteI like you're blog DutchMo but the amount of content is overwhelming.
Okay, Tim. I've added a ratification addendum to Item #5 with spaces for us to sign our names. Please print this page off at the library, sign it, and file it in your records.
ReplyDeleteBurt, I don't really know what the wishbone offense is, but it sounds awesome! I know what you mean about the content, I'm working on it! I'm glad you've got the Bill of rights finished, but it took you long enough. You guys should both invest in a printer, though. The library here charges 5c a page to print, and the color doesn't look right if you're going to hang the pictures on your wall. I just went a got a printer for fourty bucks at BestBuy, and it saves me time and gas money driving to the library all the time.
ReplyDeleteWhat does this have to do with the Super bowl?
ReplyDelete