Saturday, June 11, 2011

Weiner? Come On People

I turned on my television set the other day and all I could see all day long was a crotch shot of some mayor from New York state all over every channel. Apparently, this numbskull was trying to send some legislation to the news and accidentally sent a picture of a man's crotch instaed igniting a storm of controversy the likes of which we haven't seen since since FDR or perhaps before. How can anybody be so dumb? It reminds me of that time, Tim that I sent you that roll of film that I thought was full of pictures of Oklahoma bird life but was actually from Dondra's and I's honeymoon in El Paso. You still haven't mailed that back by the way and we're pushing a decade.

As we all know polititians are no strangers to the occasional sex scandal but what makes this case different is that this Weiner character claimed that he didn't send the picture to the news and then said that he did then said that he didn't know if he sent the pictures. Are we supposed to belive this? Maybe the more important question is is do we really want people with such horrible memories governing our people, for the people by the people? I think Weiner should do some memory exercises every day for a month and then the reporters should come back and asks him if he knows if he sent the pictures then. If he still can't remember, impeach him. Get him out!

Also troubling was that a blue bird website was somehow involved and if you couldn't already tell I have the highest respect for birds. They are beasts that are able to fly and they deserve our respect. Nay, COMMAND our respect. The Wright brothers knew this. And you can damn well bet that they never took pictures of there crotches. Except maybe as a gag. I guess what I'm getting at is that we are a society of people that love the strange and bazaar and spectacle of everyday politics and that when you combine photos of crotches, bluebirds, televisions, and Mayors you are bound to drum up some viewership. Call me old fashioned though but I'd much rather see coverage of more meaningful things on the news such as the latest wicker trends than all this saucy trash I can't escape now. If you've never seen a wickerworksman in action you really haven't live.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Karna - The Genesis

This is the staet of a new series. This will not be easy, and in fact will end me up in a rage. Why am I doing this, you may ask, well its cause I got to. Almost no one knows about this:

She met a karate instructor on a Sunday, moved out of our house by Wednesday, they stayed together at a bed & breakfast Friday and Saturday. On the precedeing Thursday said, "geez, he must be some great lay," but neither of them responded to it. I helped carry her things to the truck on Wednesday and I regret helping. When they returned from their getaway on Monday, I was waiting at his apartment to ambush them. They must of anticipated this because the police were there waiting for me. I psoted bond on Tuesday and wrote down a phrase I cannot forget: "KARNA IS NOT TO BE UNDERSTIMATE". I went away on business that Wednesday and had a great time and closed a HUGE merger I'd been workin on for several years and made more money than you can dream of. Still, something in my heart feld wrong.

Karna posted a letter to me and it was waiting at my house when I returned Friday. I waited until Tuesday to open it and tried to read it twice before burning it on that very Wednesday. I phoned her on Thursday and asked for another copy, but she said it didn't exist and that she and Kevin had already began brewing their own beer in the new apartment. This was the greatest affront to me because of my barley malts. She said, oh I gotta go, Kevin's taking me out for a steak dinner. The paramedics woke me hours later.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Social Media and the Modern Life

Look, I'm no spring chicken. I don't even like chicken. But these days the internet is chock-full of social media which raises many interesting questions. Like, what is social media? Or is it are? What are social media doesn't sound right because there's no s at the end of media. And this just makes my point for me: if we don't even know how to use it in a sentence, shoudl we really be talking about social media? The answer, unfortunately, is yes. Take this blog for instance. Thousands and probably millions of people see this sight every day and do I know who these people are? I do not. I would like to meet them but who has time to meet so many people? I have trouble enough talking to my customers. 

Lucky for us though Mark Zuckerburg recently invented a website that solves this problem. Facebooks are channels of the internet designed to make meeting and introducing strangers as easy as one two three. Creating a facebook is relatively easy if you know what the hell your doing on a computer like me, but some people have trouble grasping it's use and functions. Don't beat yourself up though because I was once an idiot too (no wood sculpture jokes Tim). The great thing about Facebooks is that you can literally type in a random name and thousands of entries will pop up. Want to become friends with somebody named "Alger Carpaccio"? Just type it in and take your pick. I'm friends with all sorts of people who live all over the county, state, region and world. Although, I think a lot of Facebooks break down a lot because a lot of folks don't respond to my queries and I occasaionly get "warning" messages from Mark Zuckerburg telling me to quit being "offensive." 

At this rate, where will it all end though? How many friends should one man have? Is 10 to many? 20? What about 50? If anybody had 50 friends there head would probably explode from trying to remember everyone's names and addresses and occupations and such. And good luck getting a table for 50 at Applebee's next Friday! Also, who the hell bests against me now?   

A Quick Mae Culpa

On behalf of Tim and myself I wood like to apologize to our faithful readers. The past six months have been trying times for me and I have let my commitment to Fencing Brains, namely Tim's, laspe. The long and short of it is that I wrongfully thought that I was at a point in my life in which I thought it would be a good time for me to leave the wicker business and try my hand wood sculpturing. It was a disaster. Nobody tells you when you get into wood sculpturing that chainsaws are deadly instruments that must be respected as much as any local bloodthirsty maniac. Also their are permits involved. But I'm happy to report that after a brief stint in the hospital and another in county jail Wickery-Dickory Dock will be reopening in a few short weeks down at pier 29. We will aslo be selling handmade windsocks now. $49.95+tax.

OK, let the fencing of brains resume! ON GOURD!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

What is this?

Friday, October 29, 2010

Back to the Future (Present, more like it)

I recently heard on the FM radio station that its currently the 25th anniversary of Back To the Future one of the all time best movies of the 80's. If you haven't seen this movie you must have been living under a rock or in Iraq for most of your life because it is one of the most celebrated movies of our time. It has everything a great movie should have: male leads, female supporting roles, DeLorean's, time travel, Danny Glover, you name it. It also prominately features traveling through time as one of its plot devices. As one who studies and proves time travel in my spare time, I find it fascinating how often the filmmakers were right in there vision of the futre and what it might hold for us.

First, let's look at what they got right. Nobody knew what a video game was in 1955, but look around you. Video games are everywhere. Michael J. Fox knew this. Doc Brown knew this. That's why so many videos games are in the movie. Well done. As for the cars, see any DeLoreans lately? Didn't think so. Chevys are great cars. They also understood what a fragile thing time is. If I were to go back in time, I would have to be very careful about who I talked to because I could talk to some idiot and tell him all sorts of stuff that he will never know and then, whoops, all the sudden they have microwaves during the civil war and dinosaurs are walking around or something. You can't just through some gadgets on a car and fly around. It has to been planed very carefully.

Now, they got plenty of stuff wrong too. Face it, nobody could possibly have predicted how much technology we have n our lives. I can look around the room right now and count at least five technologies that didn't exist in the 80s. I don't even know what half this stuff does! Right now I'm looking at something and I have no idea what it is. They also didn't understand time travel like I do. You would have to go a lot faster than 88 MPH to get up into the space-time continuum. I mean WAY faster. You'd need at least a Corvette with some nitrus. Also, if they knew so much about the future, why didn't they put Barack Obama in there somewhere? It just goes to show you that even the smartest people tend to fail as much as me or more.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Falling Out

Never thought it would come to this. I thought this site would enhance a friendship and stimulate an already healthy debate cycle, or series of cycles, and that the friendship would continue to grow and grow even though we live in different states now. I think that maybe trying to debate over the internet hasn't worked out as it did when we would have a beer and discuss things face to face and I blame myself. I come off a little aristocratic I think and that is never a good combo and I don't blame you a bit for being put off. Anyway, I hoped to debate in an environment of love and acceptance, but I know greater men than I have accomplished much less, even with greater opportunitys and so I take a bit of pride away with me as I brainstorm a new project.

I always figured this blog would come down to a falling out, but I stand by my assertion that if you see a buddy compromizing himself, you call him on it. Thems the rules as we used to say, and you have called me on stuff before. I walk away from this with my head held high and I am sorry for a lot of the lies that I have posted on this site. I jus never thought the blog would end with a falling out. It is getting tiresome having to continually pick up the pieces of my life and still have that skip in my step that you all have grown to love