Social Media and the Modern Life

Look, I'm no spring chicken. I don't even like chicken. But these days the internet is chock-full of social media which raises many interesting questions. Like, what is social media? Or is it are? What are social media doesn't sound right because there's no s at the end of media. And this just makes my point for me: if we don't even know how to use it in a sentence, shoudl we really be talking about social media? The answer, unfortunately, is yes. Take this blog for instance. Thousands and probably millions of people see this sight every day and do I know who these people are? I do not. I would like to meet them but who has time to meet so many people? I have trouble enough talking to my customers. 

Lucky for us though Mark Zuckerburg recently invented a website that solves this problem. Facebooks are channels of the internet designed to make meeting and introducing strangers as easy as one two three. Creating a facebook is relatively easy if you know what the hell your doing on a computer like me, but some people have trouble grasping it's use and functions. Don't beat yourself up though because I was once an idiot too (no wood sculpture jokes Tim). The great thing about Facebooks is that you can literally type in a random name and thousands of entries will pop up. Want to become friends with somebody named "Alger Carpaccio"? Just type it in and take your pick. I'm friends with all sorts of people who live all over the county, state, region and world. Although, I think a lot of Facebooks break down a lot because a lot of folks don't respond to my queries and I occasaionly get "warning" messages from Mark Zuckerburg telling me to quit being "offensive." 

At this rate, where will it all end though? How many friends should one man have? Is 10 to many? 20? What about 50? If anybody had 50 friends there head would probably explode from trying to remember everyone's names and addresses and occupations and such. And good luck getting a table for 50 at Applebee's next Friday! Also, who the hell bests against me now?   

A Quick Mae Culpa

On behalf of Tim and myself I wood like to apologize to our faithful readers. The past six months have been trying times for me and I have let my commitment to Fencing Brains, namely Tim's, laspe. The long and short of it is that I wrongfully thought that I was at a point in my life in which I thought it would be a good time for me to leave the wicker business and try my hand wood sculpturing. It was a disaster. Nobody tells you when you get into wood sculpturing that chainsaws are deadly instruments that must be respected as much as any local bloodthirsty maniac. Also their are permits involved. But I'm happy to report that after a brief stint in the hospital and another in county jail Wickery-Dickory Dock will be reopening in a few short weeks down at pier 29. We will aslo be selling handmade windsocks now. $49.95+tax.

OK, let the fencing of brains resume! ON GOURD!

What is this?

Back to the Future (Present, more like it)

I recently heard on the FM radio station that its currently the 25th anniversary of Back To the Future one of the all time best movies of the 80's. If you haven't seen this movie you must have been living under a rock or in Iraq for most of your life because it is one of the most celebrated movies of our time. It has everything a great movie should have: male leads, female supporting roles, DeLorean's, time travel, Danny Glover, you name it. It also prominately features traveling through time as one of its plot devices. As one who studies and proves time travel in my spare time, I find it fascinating how often the filmmakers were right in there vision of the futre and what it might hold for us.

First, let's look at what they got right. Nobody knew what a video game was in 1955, but look around you. Video games are everywhere. Michael J. Fox knew this. Doc Brown knew this. That's why so many videos games are in the movie. Well done. As for the cars, see any DeLoreans lately? Didn't think so. Chevys are great cars. They also understood what a fragile thing time is. If I were to go back in time, I would have to be very careful about who I talked to because I could talk to some idiot and tell him all sorts of stuff that he will never know and then, whoops, all the sudden they have microwaves during the civil war and dinosaurs are walking around or something. You can't just through some gadgets on a car and fly around. It has to been planed very carefully.

Now, they got plenty of stuff wrong too. Face it, nobody could possibly have predicted how much technology we have n our lives. I can look around the room right now and count at least five technologies that didn't exist in the 80s. I don't even know what half this stuff does! Right now I'm looking at something and I have no idea what it is. They also didn't understand time travel like I do. You would have to go a lot faster than 88 MPH to get up into the space-time continuum. I mean WAY faster. You'd need at least a Corvette with some nitrus. Also, if they knew so much about the future, why didn't they put Barack Obama in there somewhere? It just goes to show you that even the smartest people tend to fail as much as me or more.

The Falling Out

Never thought it would come to this. I thought this site would enhance a friendship and stimulate an already healthy debate cycle, or series of cycles, and that the friendship would continue to grow and grow even though we live in different states now. I think that maybe trying to debate over the internet hasn't worked out as it did when we would have a beer and discuss things face to face and I blame myself. I come off a little aristocratic I think and that is never a good combo and I don't blame you a bit for being put off. Anyway, I hoped to debate in an environment of love and acceptance, but I know greater men than I have accomplished much less, even with greater opportunitys and so I take a bit of pride away with me as I brainstorm a new project.

I always figured this blog would come down to a falling out, but I stand by my assertion that if you see a buddy compromizing himself, you call him on it. Thems the rules as we used to say, and you have called me on stuff before. I walk away from this with my head held high and I am sorry for a lot of the lies that I have posted on this site. I jus never thought the blog would end with a falling out. It is getting tiresome having to continually pick up the pieces of my life and still have that skip in my step that you all have grown to love

Been sick this week

Just been bored lieing around the house. Genius spilled Theraflu into my lap on Tuesday and now I have this giant patch of scalded skin. He gets so dam excited that he is just impossible to control anymore. He bit the tablecloth and puled it off the dining room table, and all my dishes and tea sets just went crashing to the floor. None of it can be salvaged.

I just have been thinking about why God domesticated these animals to live savagely among us. There is something barbarric about it, isn't there? I need to get the broom and sweep up the dish fragments because he keeps looking at them and whinning like its my fault.

63% of Grain Eaters have No Use for Microwave

It has been shown by many scientific studies that humans do not care what they put in there bodys anymore. These days, you could walk into a deli and order a chicken sandwich on grain bread and the clerk will look at you like your crazy. They say, "I think your better off ordering the steak sandwich with french fries or maybe I'll sneak you a donut under the counter. Yea, that's right, here comes the donut and no I won't tell a soul"

Maybe you go into your favorite breakfast joint and ask them to mix in a nice helping of grains into your morning milk glass. Good luck getting out of there with your skin. Oh, and maybe they'll serve you up a fried egg sandwich with cheese or some mor donuts to boot. Tell them thanks while your fatass rolls out the door. I can hear your arteries getting clogged more and more by the minute.

This nation has fallen out of love with grains and I am done with it. We should be eating more grains in EVERY. SINGLE. MEAL. WE EVEREAT. At night, I make a few grain cakes and sprinkle them with barley and a bit of nutmeg for taste. If I am hungry in the middle of the night, I wake myself up and construct a grain wafer from oats and any other protein or cereals I can find before finally finishing the wafer in bed. Rices, barleys, corns and ryes can be blended into a nice grain stew that makes six to eight servings. If the grains are simmered and seasoned just right, this is a stew that will turn a few heads. A hearty grain broth is a nectar that only the gods would be fit to taste, but your just making it in your own kitchen. You will be the envy of your neighborhood with these broths and you will be amazed at what juices and nutrients can be extracted from a series of well slelected grains. The healing powers of grains can cure a common sickness and have even regenerated human organs in a few rare cases.

You can also try rhubarb stalks dipped in cornmeal and my grandmothers seed muffins, but I am not saying you need a 100% grain diet. Try swallowing a few seeds of grain every morning until you get used to it. If your grilling a steak or chicken, coat the meats with grain seed or inject them into the center with a baster. Some specialty stores sell special grain cubes that can be dissolved into a nice soup or bottle of sports drink. The point is GET THE GRAINS IN ANYWAY YOU CAN and if that means kicking some butt at your favorite restaurant then so be it.

For your sake, for your kids sake, click this link to read the United States Drug Administrations report on grain consumption and how it is out of control. I have read very little of this now that I have a job, but the warning signs are there. Thanks and God bless.